The Importance of Advocating

First Baby
2008 Women and Infants, L & D floor, Bayside OBGYN

As much as we had read and watched and been taught about labor, I don't think we could have ever have been prepared for what happened. That's not a bad thing – it is just that each experience is so unique that they are hard to compare.

Thursday night I was having a lot of bloody show, and knowing I was already 3-cm dilated I knew Peter was coming soon. I called C, my sister-in-law and birthing companion, to let her know but I told eh to stay home because I was going to bed.

Around 2 a.m. I woke up and felt a little something, but because it was my first time and I didn't know what to expect I just went back to bed. I woke up again at 3 a.m and was feeling the same senasation. This time and I stayed awake and started my breathing and I realized there was a pattern to these strange "sensations" and they were actually surge!

I sat up in bed to change position and this woke my husband, P, up. He asked if everything was ok and I said to him that I think I was having surges. He said "Oh, ok," and rolled back over. A few seconds later he finally realized what I said and sat up with a start! He asked if I was ok and I said everything is fine. I asked if he would cuddle me and time the surges while I continued my breathing. I should explain here that I was not completely convinced I was in labor. I had plans to call my doctor shortly to see if he thought it would be ok if I went to work that day – I was obviously dealing with some denial.

Everytime P sensed a change in my breathing to signal a surge he would announce how long it had been since the last surge. This was incredibly distracting! I knew it was important for P to keep track of these numbers to provide some comfort to himself, but I let him know to keep these numbers to himself!

Around 5 am we decided to call my doctor, once again to see if it was OK for me to go to work. When the doctor called back we realized that it was the one doctor from my practice that we had never met and the one we had heard might give us the most resistance to a natural birth.

When I explained to Dr. Wharton what was going on he said to come on it to hospital and it did sound like I was in labor. Well, no more time for denial. Once I got off the phone I just laughed and told P what Dr. Wharton said. But I was not ready to go to the hospital. I called C and had P call the remainder of my family. Then I went to take a shower!

When I got into the shower I my surges were 5 minutes apart, post shower they were 2, and I was feeling quite a bit of pain! I sat on the couch and continued my breathing while P was running around finishing up our packing and bringing everything out to the car.

P finally convinced me that it was time to go to the hospital. But I knew that I was not relaxed enough and the pain was coming fast and furious. I wanted to take some time to get into a deeper relaxed state. P gave me about 90 seconds and then realized my surges were less than 2 minutes apart. He later shared with me that he was nervous he would be delivering the baby on the highway.

Once we got to the hospital it was all fast and furious. I was very impatient and just wanted to get upstairs to the labor room so I could re-focus. I did not realize how hard it was going to be stay focused and relaxed during the drive to the hospital and the whole registering and triage thing. Needless to say, I was feeling the pain and beginning to doubt myself. P was very supportive and never lost hope!

Once we got into triage the nurse was giving me a hard time and doubted that I was in labor. How frustrating! Just because I am a first time mother doesn't mean I don't know what is going on. And then the nurse wouldn't let me go to the bathroom so I said then I am just going have to go on the bed. Then she stormed out all in a huff and returned shortly with a doctor. The doctor said she was going to do a quick check and then I could go to the bathroom. After the check, the doctor said calmly and very nicely, "Well honey, your 9 cm dilated and I think it is time we get you right upstairs." 9 cm!! How grateful and excited was I! As they were wheeling me away, I very nicely said, "Can I have a good room." It was somewhat of I a joke, but it worked. I got this great big corner room with 3 windows!!

Once we got upstairs everything seemed rushed and I was very distracted. Our labor nurse was awesome and very open to our birthing plan (we had brought copies to the hospital with us). I had to cut the band off my tummy that was keeping the fetal monitor in place because it felt so restricting. Dr. Wharton showed up and did another check and asked for some instrument so he could break the water. He didn't even ask me just announced it to the nurse! I slammed my knees shut a little to dramatically and said "No. I am waiting for it to break naturally." He then used some scare tactics to try and convince me otherwise but I remained steadfast in my beliefs and re relented. The nurse then handed him a copy of my birthing plan.
The pain became very distracting. The only thing I could focus on was the pain. It was hard to move away from it. Luckily at this point C arrived and helped us to refocus. We moved into the bathroom so I could sit on the toilet. I ended up getting sick there and now all focus was gone. I said at one point "I want drugs," but then I took it back and something in me clicked and I started listening to the positive affirmations around me and realized I could do this!!

I moved back to the labor bed and set it up in the chair position. At this point my water broke on it's own and it was clear – yeah! I kept saying I was feeling the pressure to push but I was fighting it. Fighting a natural inclination to do something hurts! P kept telling me that if I felt the urge to push, then switch to the J-breath, but I was scared! I felt it was too soon, too fast. I didn't trust my body enough to listen to it! Dr. Wharton came back in and did another check and said it was time to push. I said, "No, no Dr. Wharton. I am going to breathe the baby down." I swear I could hear him roll his eyes but it didn't matter.

I found some renewed energy, strength and courage. P and C each had one hand and we breathed together. I rolled to my side and kept my legs apart to keep my pelvis wide. Every surge C would gently rub my lower back and P would say loving, gentle affirmations and I would breathe the birthing breath. After a while all I wanted was silence and not to have the darn fetal monitor on my belly anymore. Our labor nurse kindly explained she needed to keep checking on the baby but did it more intermittently and asked my permission each time. I felt like it took PJ forever to crown, but once he did, there was no stopping him! The nurse asked me if I could stop. Really?!?

The nurse paged for Dr. Wharton but there was no stopping this baby! She paged again for any help and the room was very quickly full! I continued my breathing and I heard people telling me to push, push, but I just kept up with my breathing. I remember closing my eyes and then opening to see my husband P's eyes as wide as saucers. I gave him a big smile and with another big breath, there was my boy! Dr. Wharton placed him immediately on my belly. He was so beautiful! I was rubbing him gently and he made a couple of quiet squeaks. I was not able to immediately place him to the breast because his cord was too short. I asked a one point if it could be cut yet, and Dr. Wharton asked if I still wanted to wait till it stopped pulsating (he did read my birthing plan!) and I said yes. Very shortly P cut the cord and PJ snuggled up and went straight to the best. Then I became so cold! Thank God for those warm blankets! Oh, I cried! Despite my doubts, fears and distractions it was so beautiful, gentle and perfect.

As we near PJ's 1st birthday I look back on that day with such happy, happy thoughts! I could not have imagined it any other way and am so grateful to the Hypnobirthing technique for teaching us the tools and courage we needed to listen to my body! Thank you!